Decisions can be hard for me. Big ones, and not-so-big ones. It ebbs and flows. At some point in my 20s-and-30s journey, I learned that not making decisions (on say, vocation, work, how to spend/not spend my time) is a decision in itself. Waiting at a part-time job that was meant as a placeholder until the "better thing" came around is a decision. In other words, putting off the big decisions until the moment feels right - that is active decision-making
This gets complicated. Listening for God and praying for discernment are important practices of our Christian faith. Pausing to consider before taking action is generally regarded as a mark of maturity, wisdom even. But, in some of my own, extended pauses of indecision and waiting, a quiet fear or perfectionism burrows.
We can be afraid of making the wrong decision. Of jumping the gun; "missing" God's plan for us. When this happens, our view of God's "plan" may be too narrow. I know that I was raised in this Western, modern time where the emphasis is placed on the individual and what the individual will accomplish to make their mark on the world. This seeps into our Christianity, where verses like Jer 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you..." are taken to mean that God has a particular, special path for each of us. Instead of focusing on the general things we know God desires for all of us - to grow in trust and love for Him; to exhibit the fruit of the spirit; love our neighbors; care for the poor in our midst - we can hyperfocus on the many decisions we face as 20 and 30-somethings. Decisions about career, location, church. Of course these decisions matter; but they are not the be-all-end-all.
Loving God is the be all end all.
Anyone with some history of anxiety - like me - can take the messages from youth and college conferences that are surely meant well, and turn them into a high-stakes game. "You are special; designed for a unique purpose; discover God's plan for you; don't waste your life !" feels like Crap! I better get this right! The stakes feel very high - too high.
But we know this hyper focus on the individual is a modern thing. Our over-concern with our own life and plans can draw us away from the bigger picture and the overarching call of Christ. Love God, love others. There is nothing simple about this call, but it's a beautiful journey, meant to be lived into with others.
Decisions aren't always hard for me, and I'm thankful for that. I have friends and a husband, and the grace of God that helps me to find rest in God's sovereignty from time to time, pulling me away from an overly self-focused stance to one of actual worship and praise - putting the attention where it is due.
Praise God.
