It's pretty amazing for me to look back at this last year of blog posts. One year ago, I was posting about my application for the Reconciliation conference at Duke Divinity School, the dinners we hosted for the legal clinic team, and plans for CLCP's first Pro Deo Conference.
Today, Ted is typing away to promote our second annual Pro Deo Conference, I am trying to decide on drinks and appetizers for our clinic team "debrief" this Thursday, and the themes from the Duke Reconciliation conference still weave their way into my reflections on my life and faith - many of which will be picked up at this weekend's much talked about Justice Conference in downtown Philadelphia.
In between these markers, it's been quite a year. One month after registering for the Reconciliation conference, I witnessed a shooting on our block, while nannying for my neighbor's baby. That sent me on a several month journey that included seeing a counselor and going away more regularly for a day or two at a time to help handle the trauma (Wayne, Glenside, California, Maryland and even a long weekend in Orlando in December.) The Duke conference was thought-provoking and allowed me to hear some key messages from God. It was also great for getting away to a beautiful space, but on the deepest level I found myself wondering, "what does this all mean for me?"
The day I returned from the conference, God blessed us with a housemate, Janira, who is still living with us. Two months later, I decided to quit my nanny job and started to dig into my new part-time job as director of development at CLCP. I continued working Wednesday and Thursday morning's at Oxford Circle Mennonite Church. As a part of my processing journey, I've been asking for awhile what God is shaping me for and what plans He has for me. I am excited for the women's retreat coming up at my church in April, which will center on the theme: "finding our identity in Christ." This syncs with another layer of what God has been teaching me, that who I am is founded in Him; it will never be defined by my work, by others, or outside circumstances.
"Because I live, you also will live." - John 14:19
On that note, I'll close ;)
(Is there something you'd like to hear more about? Say it in the "comments" section below, and I'll write more about it.)
A year in review
Monday, March 4, 2013
In early December, Ted and I spent a few precious days in Orlando. This came in response to the longstanding invitation of our friends, the Wilcoxes, who made the move from California to Florida about five years ago. I hadn't seen them in that long! This long weekend 'getaway' was also the capstone in a series of mini-retreats that I needed in the wake of the stressers of last April.
God provided the makings for our trip (airmiles + generous invitation from friends + 2 vacation days.) We landed in Orlando on a Friday night, and the rejuvenating time began!
Not only was the time peaceful and quiet (Mike and Joan live in a beautiful, newly developed neighborhood in Orlando, with a papaya tree out back!), but we also saw many amazing sites along the way:
Intersperse this with some competitive but friendly card games, a moving church service and tour of Pioneers mission headquarters (where Mike and Joan serve), and you have a tiny glimpse of this great weekend for us.
Perhaps most meaningful for me were the times to reflect, enjoy the quiet, and to be ministered to by conversation and the Saturday evening church service we attended. As I went forward to receive communion, Mike extended the cup to me and said, "A painful love gift, given for you." Wow. In that moment, I heard the good news and it swept over me in a fresh way, as if I was hearing it for the first time. I was astounded and moved. I can see even more clearly now how the Spirit was doing an important work in my heart in that time.
Thank you, Mike and Joan!
God provided the makings for our trip (airmiles + generous invitation from friends + 2 vacation days.) We landed in Orlando on a Friday night, and the rejuvenating time began!
Not only was the time peaceful and quiet (Mike and Joan live in a beautiful, newly developed neighborhood in Orlando, with a papaya tree out back!), but we also saw many amazing sites along the way:
the annual fair at Fort Christmas,
the town of St. Augustine
the gorgeous sun at Cocoa Beach,
and real live manatees!
(Note: the one I'm dancing with is obviously fake. The real ones were in the spring, pictured left.)
Intersperse this with some competitive but friendly card games, a moving church service and tour of Pioneers mission headquarters (where Mike and Joan serve), and you have a tiny glimpse of this great weekend for us.
Perhaps most meaningful for me were the times to reflect, enjoy the quiet, and to be ministered to by conversation and the Saturday evening church service we attended. As I went forward to receive communion, Mike extended the cup to me and said, "A painful love gift, given for you." Wow. In that moment, I heard the good news and it swept over me in a fresh way, as if I was hearing it for the first time. I was astounded and moved. I can see even more clearly now how the Spirit was doing an important work in my heart in that time.
Thank you, Mike and Joan!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Thanks to you all who have prayed for our boss and friend Pete and the legal clinic over this past week. We have good news to report, and we ask for your continued prayers.
Two days ago, Pete and his wife Wendy found out that the treatment he will be needing should not be as invasive as they were expecting. The time in the hospital will also be cut in half. This is great news! I won't share the details here, but please continue to lift us up in prayer as we prepare for a full month of legal ministry in March, and then Pete's surgery at the end of the month. Please pray for a smooth surgery and uneventful recovery for Pete.
Two days ago, Pete and his wife Wendy found out that the treatment he will be needing should not be as invasive as they were expecting. The time in the hospital will also be cut in half. This is great news! I won't share the details here, but please continue to lift us up in prayer as we prepare for a full month of legal ministry in March, and then Pete's surgery at the end of the month. Please pray for a smooth surgery and uneventful recovery for Pete.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
A time for lament. The time leading up to my week at Duke's Center for Reconciliation was difficult for me, as I was still reeling from a shooting that happened on our block just a few weeks before. As a witness to the shooting (in which no one was, thankfully, hurt), I experienced shock, numbness, and confusion for some time. As I boarded the plane for Durham, I felt worn and tired from trying to process the hard questions that I needed to ask, like: what am I doing here? What does God want to show me through this? I felt deeply burdened by the hardships faced by residents on my block.
When I applied for the conference two months prior, I had thought that the time would be one of vision-casting and receiving direction for my life, as it pertained to the pursuit of God's heart for reconciliation. I was excited and expectant at the connections and plans God would lay. Instead, I found myself acknowledging after the first day's sessions that I felt completely burnt out. Oh no!
Has that ever happened to you? You enter something new with expectations that sparks will fly and that God will speak something so clearly and directly, that all of a sudden the different pieces that He has been moving in your heart and mind will click into one, clear Word from Him, but then, nothing tangible seems to materialize?
In hindsight, I can see that what did happen at Duke far outweighed my expectations. God did speak clearly to me, but in my cloud of mixed desires and expectations, it was difficult to discern.
Of all the themes explored at the conference, the dominant message for me came from day two, where we explored the meaning of Lament. Rev. Sarah Jobe, a prison chaplain, shared how her daily experiences of overwhelming sorrow and darkness threaten to make her heart hard. Lament is the antidote to a hardened, calloused heart, but it requires an intentional choice to keep our hearts soft toward God. It requires space to weep, mourn, and pray. At the other end of lament, we do experience hope, and resurrection.
This statue on Duke's campus called "Reconciliation: The Parable of the Prodigal Son" demonstrates both the hardened and the softened heart before God. The prodigal son, though he spurned his Father's name and ran off in disobedience, came back weeping and asking for forgiveness (pictured here). I spent a lot of time studying this statue one morning.
But the older son, despite the Father's pleading, stands with his arms crossed, remaining hardhearted towards them both. He, like his Father, had been hurt by the younger brother, but he held onto that hurt instead of opening himself to grace and compassion which come from above. As I gazed upon the statue, I didn't label myself as one son over the one, but I could see both of them in myself, and I knew that the message that morning about having a "soft heart" was for me.
God invited me into His presence that week, through quiet time, and through the compassionate ears of a few key people. As I look back at it now, I think I was being called to just kneel and lament in His presence, much like the younger brother in this statue, and to receive grace for myself. I didn't need to "figure out" what God was doing or where He was taking me in terms of my spiritual direction. I just needed to be.
When I applied for the conference two months prior, I had thought that the time would be one of vision-casting and receiving direction for my life, as it pertained to the pursuit of God's heart for reconciliation. I was excited and expectant at the connections and plans God would lay. Instead, I found myself acknowledging after the first day's sessions that I felt completely burnt out. Oh no!
Has that ever happened to you? You enter something new with expectations that sparks will fly and that God will speak something so clearly and directly, that all of a sudden the different pieces that He has been moving in your heart and mind will click into one, clear Word from Him, but then, nothing tangible seems to materialize?In hindsight, I can see that what did happen at Duke far outweighed my expectations. God did speak clearly to me, but in my cloud of mixed desires and expectations, it was difficult to discern.
Of all the themes explored at the conference, the dominant message for me came from day two, where we explored the meaning of Lament. Rev. Sarah Jobe, a prison chaplain, shared how her daily experiences of overwhelming sorrow and darkness threaten to make her heart hard. Lament is the antidote to a hardened, calloused heart, but it requires an intentional choice to keep our hearts soft toward God. It requires space to weep, mourn, and pray. At the other end of lament, we do experience hope, and resurrection.
This statue on Duke's campus called "Reconciliation: The Parable of the Prodigal Son" demonstrates both the hardened and the softened heart before God. The prodigal son, though he spurned his Father's name and ran off in disobedience, came back weeping and asking for forgiveness (pictured here). I spent a lot of time studying this statue one morning.
But the older son, despite the Father's pleading, stands with his arms crossed, remaining hardhearted towards them both. He, like his Father, had been hurt by the younger brother, but he held onto that hurt instead of opening himself to grace and compassion which come from above. As I gazed upon the statue, I didn't label myself as one son over the one, but I could see both of them in myself, and I knew that the message that morning about having a "soft heart" was for me.
God invited me into His presence that week, through quiet time, and through the compassionate ears of a few key people. As I look back at it now, I think I was being called to just kneel and lament in His presence, much like the younger brother in this statue, and to receive grace for myself. I didn't need to "figure out" what God was doing or where He was taking me in terms of my spiritual direction. I just needed to be.
Gorgeous spaces for reflection at Duke
Monday, February 4, 2013
Imagine sitting by a warm fireplace, on a comfortable couch, with a journal and Bible in hand, looking out at a scene like this one. This comprised at least half of my day at CLCP's first staff retreat, which took place last Monday. I'd like to share with you excerpts from our director's recap of that day. In it, you'll find ways you can be praying for us (highlighting in particular the fourth paragraph below):
Dear CLCP board,
I wanted to report to you on what came out of our staff retreat, and our extended time of prayer, reflection and fellowship. The legal ministry is God’s work and it is a work of the spirit. It will emerge from our life with God.
Our theme was “Nothing is Impossible with God.” We looked at Isaiah and how God cares so much about Justice and the Poor and how he showed his mercy even in judgment by providing the Jews and the world with a Messiah. Isaiah shows us how things are now, how they will be in the near future, how they will be when Christ comes, and what the heavenly kingdom will be like. So we can look at our world and realize there is more than we can see now. That is helpful when we look at how big the problems are that we are trying to deal with.
Wendy led us off with a lesson on loving as Jesus loved, and took us deep into John 17 and what it means to be one in Christ, to be one as He is with the father, that type of unity. We left feeling closer to that oneness, and if I could pick one thing that emerged from our time it’s that we want to build on that with our clinic attorneys.
We are concerned that we are lacking spiritually, on clinic day, which is our main event. That we come from work, all business, give advice, go home for dinner. And that what happens behind closed doors, in our clinic offices, could be better, for the attorney and the client. We’d like to encourage attorneys to come spiritually prepared, maybe even listening to a good tape or music on the ride down. We’d like to get attorneys there a half hour early, and have a good time of prayer and preparation that is inspiring and gives some food for thought, a transition from the work day. Have people praying for the clinic time, seeing it as a divine appointment, taking the time to minister effectively. Then afterwards, have a meal together and a time to debrief, right there at the clinic. And see the time spent as given to the Lord, even if clients end up not showing up. This will take some set up by us, and cooperation from the attorneys. We also need to constantly be incorporating new attorneys into this fellowship.
We talked about our spirituality. That’s not our vision, or our plan, or our procedures. It’s what we look and feel and sound and smell like. We are in the justice and reconciliation business. It’s a people business. Our goal is changed lives. We deal with poverty at its root – broken relationships, with God, family, employers, everyone and everything. That takes time. We need help from our community partners.
We talked about loving like Jesus loved, what that would look like. There is a humility and gentleness that is needed that may seem unlawyerly, and in some sense we need to give up something to get there. We are all so busy. It’s an enemy and obstacle to our work, which asks volunteers to donate time they don’t have. We need to model an unbusy lifestyle. “I have time for you. No, I’m not busy.” We value busyness, and we shouldn't.
We’d like to model an effective approach to sharing the gospel with our clients. We want to have non-Christian clients, and clinic attorneys. We need to struggle with the tension that will bring; it’s a good tension – not everyone will agree with us. A local pastor and friend asked Ted and me if we wanted to go with him to share the gospel to a friend’s son last Friday at 6 pm. I wish I had said yes and gone with him. I missed an opportunity....
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Did you know how Ted has been spending his spare time for the past year?
He's written a book! Yep -- it's a mystery novel set in Haiti, in the particular neighborhood of Bwa Nef where he worked during our semester in Haiti in 2010.
Last Monday, Drexel Law invited Ted to speak at a Working for Justice in Haiti event, in part to discuss what his law school co op looked like in Haiti, and also to share about the release of his Haiti-based novel: Because We Are!
Picture: check out the poster they made for this event -- that is Ted's book cover in the bottom left corner :)
A Drexel student wrote an article on Ted's presentation and took some a great picture of him as well.
The short but sweet article is here: Alumnus Ted Oswald
Finally, if you haven't heard about Ted's book via Facebook, watch this great two-minute video he made that explains the background and his reasons for writing the book:
Because We Are video
The book will be released in December. E-book copies will only be $3. Stay tuned!
He's written a book! Yep -- it's a mystery novel set in Haiti, in the particular neighborhood of Bwa Nef where he worked during our semester in Haiti in 2010.
Last Monday, Drexel Law invited Ted to speak at a Working for Justice in Haiti event, in part to discuss what his law school co op looked like in Haiti, and also to share about the release of his Haiti-based novel: Because We Are!
Picture: check out the poster they made for this event -- that is Ted's book cover in the bottom left corner :)
A Drexel student wrote an article on Ted's presentation and took some a great picture of him as well.
The short but sweet article is here: Alumnus Ted Oswald
Finally, if you haven't heard about Ted's book via Facebook, watch this great two-minute video he made that explains the background and his reasons for writing the book:
Because We Are video
The book will be released in December. E-book copies will only be $3. Stay tuned!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Just another morning in Philadelphia.
I found the most beautiful spot. On a rock, in the river, with a covered bridge in view, and colorful leaves falling all around me like snowflakes. Wow...
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